When we are grieving we often focus on the challenges that come with it and while there are indeed challenges, it is equally important to recognize the progress we make along the way.
As we discussed in the meeting, grief is not linear and it’s an INDIVIDUAL journey which means that what works for one person, may not for work. Likewise, you may have a different timeline than someone else regarding certain progress.
When you’re feeling stuck, remember that trial and error is a normal part of the process.
Think about the progress you have made thus far and also if helpful, try to set realistic goals, even if small, about future progress you wish to obtain.
For example, let’s say there’s a movie that you and the person you are grieving really enjoyed. Right now it might be too painful to watch it but perhaps in the future you could watch it as a way to celebrate their memory. Recognize that this will likely not happen overnight, it might take months or even years. In some cases, it might always be too painful and that’s fine. You just have to try to find that balance and it’s okay to replace it with an alternative. In this movie example, maybe you decide that there’s a different movie that you prefer to watch to celebrate their memory instead or do something else to celebrate them that’s more attainable for your situation.
Potential setbacks:
Certain days, events, or activities could set off triggers that may cause us more pain than expected and we might feel like we are regressing in our progress. This too is okay. This might be caused by insensitive comments made by others who don’t really understand our grief as well.
It can be helpful to have certain “pick me up” activities or rituals to help you get back on track. In my case, I am a foodie so I enjoy food. When I am feeling down, I will try to eat a meal I like or go explore a new dish if possible. It usually works but sometimes it doesn’t and that’s okay as I recognize the nature of grief.
This also applies to support, as discussed in the meeting, sometimes we might be fortunate enough to have people we can talk to. Other times we might not be able to establish these connections and thus have to find alternative ways.
Even paid help comes with challenges as not every therapist will be a good fit and this too can result in trial and error.
Lastly, here are some suggested activities that you can try (feel free to adjust as again, this might not be helpful for everyone):
Try writing a letter to the person you are grieving and then destroy it afterward, you can re-read if if you’d like before doing so, this is just to help get your feelings out there without speaking to someone
Try to practice some sort of self-care routine
While it can be nice to speak with others who are grieving, if you can’t find a group or professional to speak to right away, try to find a podcast/lecture related to grief. There are plenty of grief stories out there which might help you find some temporary relief by connecting with the speaker.
Last updated on 6/2/2024 by Angel.